Pats-Broncos, live

All right, as promised, TATB is in the house, and hell yeah, we're ready for some football. We're stuffed full of pesto pizza, are well-stocked with the appropriate football-watchin' beverages (no daiquiris in this house, Jeter!), and as my wife likes to remind me, I'm in the ideal physical condition to be planted on the couch for the next three hours. Now if I can just forget the frightening image of that she-male singer Pink warbling from my TV, I'll be all set.

Prediction? Well, I always have faith in the Belichick Pats . . . but Denver, 5-1 in their last six against New England, always scare the hell out of me, and Mike Shanahan might be the second-best coach in the league. Rod Smith usually has something like 17 catches for 287 yards against the Pats, Champ Bailey should be avoided at all costs, and Denver's D as a whole is fast and mean - they made the Patriots look positively old in the regular season last year. But if Tom Brady plays like Tom Brady, Jake Plummer plays like Jake Plummer, and the Maroney/Dillon duo gains enough ground to keep the Broncos honest, I say the Pats eke it out, 21-17.

Let's do it:

PREGAME
• Sez Al Michaels per his pregame introduction: "With the Red Sox off the radar, it is officially and exclusively football season in New England." All right, I guess I'll buy that . . . at least until Manny's next trade demand or some other news of significance emanates from Yawkey Way, and then the Sox will bounce the Pats back down to the bottom of the sports page again. I'm not saying that's how it should be. That's just the way it is.

• The Broncos' offensive lineman don't talk to the media and thus don't cooperate with the familiar Name/College personal introduction. Rather, they are introduced by Al Michaels as still headshots appear on the screen. So, yeah, they are exactly the kind of jerks you'd think a jacked-up pack of cheap-shot artists would be.

FIRST QUARTER
• Denver takes it at the 20 after Stephen Gostkowski clobbers the opening kickoff into the end zone. Even the most ardent Adam Vinatieri fan has to admit the rookie is an upgrade there. Denver gets one first down, Plummer completes a couple of crossing patterns (they killed the Pats with crossing routes last year during the Duane Starks debacle), but they end up having to punt after two series, pinning the Patriots at the 1.

• No one is doing much of anything early . . . and yet John Madden is not yet audibly snoring, despite inhaling three whole turkeys during the pregame. I think I heard his stomach growling, though.

• The Charlotte Observer erroneously reported that Bucs quarterback Chris Simms is hospitalized in critical condition after taking several hard hits in today's loss to the Panthers. Peter King sets the record straight, saying Simms is in the hospital but is not in critical condition. King resists the temptation to tell us to trade Carson Palmer for Simms in our fantasy league, since Simms has "miraculous healing powers."

• Andrea Kremer checks in with some inane report from the sideline. Gotta say, I lost some respect for her when I saw her standing on a milk crate to look taller while interviewing Drew Bledsoe a few years ago. She's like Shelley Smith's Mini-Me.

• At 5:08 of the first quarter, we get our first mentions of Deion Branch and David Givens. I thought it would be sooner. Props to NBC for avoiding the beaten-to-death storyline. Or maybe Madden and Michaels thought they were still around until now.

• No Chad Jackson tonight. Geez, did this kid get his hamstrings transplanted from the cadaver of Vincent Brisby?

• John Lynch nearly picks off a Brady wobbler near midfield. The Pats came thisclose to signing Lynch after the 2003 season when he was let go by Tampa, but the Pats reportedly backed off due to concerns regarding his history of neck problems. Bet Belichick wishes they'd taken the chance. Not only would Lynch and Rodney Harrison have made a deadly pair of safeties, but he'd have made Harrison's injury last season much easier to overcome.

• My wife is being quiet. Too quiet. Whoops, she speaks: "Can I change it? I'm kidding. We need another TV in this house. This is boring. Have you published yet? You should hit publish."

• (Hitting publish while gently weeping . . .)

• Third and 9, Denver, from their own 2. Plummer dodges Mike Vrabel in the end zone, then slithers around Junior Seau for the first down. Very, very impressive improvisation, the type of play Plummer does so well. Have to admit, I'm a longtime fan dating back to his Arizona St. days, and with his job in jeopardy after a shaky start to the season, I expect him to play well tonight. He might not be that reliable, but the dude is resilient.

• My wife, scanning through the TV listings menu: " 'Misery' is on. We saw that on our first date." Me: "Damn, that couldn't have been more appropr . . ." WHACK!!.

• Score after the first quarter: New England 0, Denver 0, but the Pats are moving the ball . . .

SECOND QUARTER
. . . until Maroney is stuffed on fourth and 1 from the Denver 36. Have to admit, I was giddy to hear Shanahan say the Pats got a steal in Maroney and that Denver would have taken him had Jay Cutler (supposedly No. 1 on their draft board) not been available. I mean, you gotta respect the Broncos' acumen with running backs. Terrell Davis, Olandis Gary, Mike Anderson, Tatum Bell . . . when was they last time they missed on one?



Oh . . . right.

• Plummer is 0 for his last 7 pass attempts. Shanahan, who looks like Norman Bates is his sunnier moods, appears to be ready to wallop him to the ground with his clipboard, choke him with his headset, then repeatedly stab him with his pencil. Hey, how do you think he got rid of Danny Kanell?

• . . . and then in his typically schizophrenic manner, Plummer suddenly finds a rhythm, hitting someone named David Kirkus twice, eventually getting all the way down to the New England 9. Then Rod Smith (who else?) gets seven on third and 6 to set up first and goal at the 2.

• The Pats hold 'em to 3, thanks to a holding penalty, Ty Warren's continued and dead-on impersonation of Richard Seymour, and a blind-size blitz by Rosey Colvin that forced an incompletion. Not a bad way to salvage things, and with 7:20 left in the half, it's Denver 3, New England 0.

• That ubiquitous but heartwarming Dwyane Wade commercial just came on for the 20th time . . . you know, the one where he gives all the stuff to the youth program. I say to my wife, "That's Dwyane Wade. He's one of the best basketball players I've ever seen." Her reply: "From 'A Different World'?" You know, I bet Shaq would like that joke.

• Not sure I heard correctly, but I think Al Michaels just said Chris Simms had a blood transfusion. Yikes. We'll put a moratorium on the jokes. [Turns out it was a ruptured spleen, and his season is likely over. The truly frightening/astounding thing is that after feeling extremely ill during the game, he returned to lead a fourth-quarter drive. We sure as hell can't question this kid's toughness again.]

• Denver hasn't given up a touchdown this season, but the Pats are making a bid thanks to Maroney, who blew up for 31 yards on a screen pass to get to the Broncos 19. The Pats haven't had a back who can move like this kid since Curtis Martin was winning over Bill Parcells.

• Andrea Kremer climbs back up on her trusty Oakhurst crate and tells us Dillon has returned to the locker room with an "arm" injury. That could be anything from a scratch to amputation at the shoulder in Pats-speak, but she says he's probable to return. Either way, looks like it's on Maroney for now.

• Three straight incompletions, and Sisson . . er, Gostkowski comes out and promptly gets his second consecutive field-goal attempt blocked. Madden immediately blames the poor field conditions, but man, that's tough to excuse considering the field is always in lousy shape. Whoever's fault it is, I know this much to be true: Somewhere, Glenn Ordway is chortling through mouth stuffed full of Cheez Balls.

• Third and 8, Denver, from their own 48. You know what comes next: Rod Smith, 18 yards, first down. I swear, if this guy gets to Canton someday, his personal highlight film will come entirely from games against the Patriots.

• At the 2-minute warning, NBC just showed Brady's stats: 10 for 15, 115 yards. Not. Good. Enough.

• On third and 1 with 50 seconds left in the half, Javon Walker gets a step on Ellis Hobbs in single coverage, and Plummer makes the kind of throw we've come to expect from Brady. The result: Touchdown, Denver. Gutsy call, and the visitors lead, 10-0. Suddenly it's mighty quiet in Foxboro.

• The Pats' 2-minute drill stalls at midfield, Brady rips off his chinstrap Peyton-style and absolutely looks like he's moping, and home team trots off the field to scattered boos. I'm guessing this isn't quite the way Belichick drew it up.

Score at halftime: Denver 10, New England 0

THIRD QUARTER
• Maroney takes the kickoff back to the 23. I HATE having him taking kickoffs. He's too valuable, especially now that Dillon has been downgraded to questionable. Put Faulk back there.

• Pats go three-and-out, and John "I'd Take A Knee Here" Madden, just jostled from his halftime nap, is writing the team's eulogy already: "The Patriots just can't get anything going. Cris Collinsworth was just talking about it at halftime, the whole body-language of Brady and their offensive players and their sideline . . . they just don't look like the champion Patriots we're used to seeing." Now, normally I'd rip him for this sort of thing . . . but I think I wrote about it myself three paragraphs ago, so I've gotta agree with him here, if only to avoid being a hypocrite. Truth is, Brady looks like he's thinking about Deion Branch with every incomplete pass. And as great as Brady is, don't you dare suggest that he doesn't have horrible body language sometimes - slumping his shoulders, staring at the ground, looking like he'd just lost his beloved Fido. Hell, the coaches supposedly talked to him about it last week.

• Uh-oh. Rodney Harrison leaves with an injury. Great. Next play, Plummer targets his replacement, James Sanders, and Sanders obliges, interfering with Kirkus for a 30-yard penalty. That's smart football on Denver's part, and horrible coverage by Sanders. I'm pissed.

• Chad Scott makes a big hit to bust up a pass to Walker on third-and-7, preventing a first down. Shockingly, Rod Smith did not drop out of the heavens to catch ball milliseconds before it hit the ground. He's slipping in his old age.

• Three and out again, with Brady overthrowing a slightly open Troy Brown by millimeters on a flea-flicker. Say this for the Broncos' defense: They know how to defend a team with no wide receivers.

• How's this for a horrifying thought: What if Brady's weekly listing on the injury report (probable, arm) actually isn't a superstition or an attempt to tweak the NFL rulesmakers, but a clue that maybe a physical problem is the reason for his subpar play? I tell you, the way he's throwing the ball, it's worth considering.

• Denver is pinned at the 2 when Darrent Williams pulls a Deltha O'Neal on the punt and barely avoids a safety. Says Madden: "This is where Bill Belichick needs to be a defensive genius." Plummer promptly hits Rod Goddamn Smith for 10 yards, thanks to a Chris Canty-like 10-yard cushion by the maddening Asante Samuel.

• Samuel is hit with a phantom pass interference call, and I just had a flashback to last season's playoff game, when the refs sometimes seemed hellbent on making the Pats play 11 men against 13. Is Shanahan the head of officiating or something? Cripes, it would be really swell if the Patriots got a call against Denver one of these seasons.

• 5:16 remaining in the third quarter, and Brady's deep post to Reche Caldwell is tipped away at the last second to stall another series. Yup, at this point I'm left to report near-misses, almost-completions and Reche Friggin Caldwell sightings. This is going fantastically well!

• Did Ben Watson dress for this game? He did? Really? You'd think someone being hailed as Antonio Gates + Ben Coates + the Elder Kellen Winslow would be, you know, noticeable.

• Harrison is back, and Tedy Bruschi has been all over the place. So they've got that going for them, which is nice.

• They just showed the replay of Watson running down Bailey in last season's playoff game. Astounding, astounding hustle and athleticism. One of the most impressive plays I've ever seen, even if it was ultimately meaningless. I hereby apologize for snidely bitching about him a minute ago.

• Brady, incomplete deep to Doug Gabriel. Good to know he's active. I honestly wasn't sure. [Edit: Turns out he didn't play in the first half.] Anyway, another three-and-out. None of the quick-slant, timing stuff is working. (Where have you gone, David Givens?) Josh Miller is their best offensive weapon. I wonder if Pink can play receiver. Or linebacker.

• Madden, who's surprisingly insightful tonight: "The Patriot offense just looks like they're frustrated. They're having trouble getting anything going, and it looks like it's affecting them. Watch their body language - they're all just kind of hunched over and walking off the field. Football is a game of passion and emotion, and when you lose that, you don't have anything . . . I hate to use the word sleepwalking, but they're sleepwalking out there." Gotta say, the Human Turducken is absolutely correct here. I thought the long faces were supposed to be limited to the Broncos' helmets. Not so far. After three quarters, it's 10-0, ElwayFaces.

FOURTH QUARTER
• The Broncos are starting inside their own 5 for the third time tonight. Doesn't logic suggest Plummer should throw a stupid-ass pick one of these times? He's playing with the poise of a quarterback who's very secure in his job. Quick, put a shot of Cutler on the JumboTron.

• And this one's over. Plummer, a split second before he's turned into snakeskin by Richard Seymour, hits Walker down the left sideline on third and 6, and the ex-Packer who nearly became a Patriot in the offseason splits the useless Sanders (in for a cramping Eugene Wilson) and the overmatched Samuel, and goes 82 yards for the backbreaker. Denver goes 97 yards in five plays, it's 17-0, and the camera catches Belichick expressing the sentiments of New England fans everywhere: "You've gotta be ------- kidding me."

• WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED? I SWITCH CHANNELS, COME BACK, AND THE PATS HAVE 7 POINTS? COULD THERE BE HOPE? SHOULD I STOP WATCHING AS NOT TO JINX THEM? AND WHY THE $*$**@ AM I WRITING IN ALL CAPS?

• (Oh, it was because I was behind on my DVR . . . and it was a long drive to boot. I'm ashamed. Leave it to me to miss their only touchdown. Have I mentioned I love Doug Gabriel?)

• Pats get the ball back, but go three-and-out. Arggh. I'd like to witness one highlight tonight. Five minutes left and they need two scores. Not looking good.

• The Pats' dink-and-dunk down the field, but on fourth and 1 from the 20 with 1:07 remaining, Brady's 55th pass of the night falls to the sod, and the suspenseless defeat is complete. Final score: Denver 17, New England 7. Good think the AFC East stinks, or it might be time to worry why the Patriots quarterback has had three subpar games in a row and looks like he's trying to throw the damn deep ball all the way to Seattle.

• So what are our instant conclusions from this? Well, obviously, that Denver is, at the moment, a superior football team. They've beaten the Pats, the closest thing to a dynasty in the modern NFL, six times in their last seven meetings, and Denver very well could have won the lone game they lost. They should be the favorite every time they play the Patriots from here on out, and their Genius Coach is one step ahead of our Genius Coach. Maybe by the time the playoffs roll around New England will be a worthy (and even superior) opponent, but right now they have a long way to go to even pretend to be a Super Bowl contender. The wide receivers and the quarterback look like they are working from different playbooks, the defensive backs are tripping all over each other, and the big names on defense aren't making big plays - or even stopping the Tatum Bells of the world - when the situation pleads for it. I trust that, given good health, the Patriots will be a better team at the end of the season than they are right now; that's usually the case with a Belichick team, and hey, they are 2-1. But three games into the season, they hardly look like the team we hoped they'd be, and they've got some long yardage to go to get there.

Play Griese Now

Football season is upon us and in Chicago that means Quarterback controversy. The back-up quarterback is the most beloved sport figure in Chicago. We love to complain about the starter and cry out for the lovable back-up to save the season.

Usually the back-up is no better than the starter and this is just our way of complaining about our anemic offense. However this year, for the first time in my football watching career, the Bears went out and acquired a legitimate quarterback in Brian Griese. He's an accomplished veteran who is well versed in the style of offense that the Bears run. Seemed like a good idea since our first round draft choice QB - Rex Grossman - has 8 starts in 3 seasons.

So what do the Bears do?

Instead of having an open competition for the starting quarterback job and letting the grisly veteran duke it out with the young gunslinger, the Bears coaching staff anoints Rex the starter.

I understand that they want the kid to be the future of the franchise and the only way to get him there is playing time. But this is the NFL and we haven't been to a Super Bowl since the 1985 season. The defense is set up to win it all now. All we need is a competent quarterback that will move the ball down the field and not turn it over.

So on Friday night I taped the preseason game and eventually sat down to analyze the QB situation. Of course the defense looked amazing scoring a TD on an interception and we even returned a kick for a special teams TD. I watched Rex play the entire first half and can honestly say that I was unimpressed. Here are his highlights.
7 for 14 for 83 yards. This projects out to a 166 yard game. Not good.The Bears had 6 first downs, of which 3 were by penalties that had nothing to do with the play. 3 first downs in a half. Not good.The Bears had one scoring drive while he was under center. The drive ended with Rex Grossman signature interception in the end zone. Very bad.

Griese got two drives during the game. The first was a three and out. On the second he was 2 for 2 with a TD on a 38 yard drive. That's not a lot to go on and against the second string defense. But the offense looks like it is grooving when he is in there versus the disoriented feel I get when Grossman is in.

I can only hope that during this preseason we get to see what Griese can do with the first string offense against the first string defense. I am worried that by the time he gets on the field in a real game situation that he'll be digging us out of a hole in order to get us into the playoffs.

Why Your Team Won’t Win the Super Bowl

The case for: The Houston Texans have a very real chance of winning the Super Bowl this season. Far fetched? Maybe, but the Texans have finally released quarterback Tony Banks. St. Louis (1999) and Baltimore (2000) replaced Banks and went on to win a Super Bowl. Don't laugh. When your quarterback is David Carr, you’ll grasp any straw necessary.

Why they probably won't: You really can't trust a team that bypassed Reggie Bush for a defensive end. Especially when the defensive end could very well be the second coming of Mike Mamula. You can list the reasons from signability, the switch to the 4-3 defense or the presence of Dom Davis. The fact still remains that they did not take the most electrifying player in the draft. One of the greatest college football players in recent memory. These kind of things signal to the fans that winning might not be the most important thing.

At least they were smart enough to pass on Vince Young.

Alright, maybe we were a little harsh on Carr earlier, who has been betrayed by a bad offensive line. The team has made some significant upgrades on the offensive line (like Mike Flanagan), which is good. The only problem is that the club has hired Mike Sherman as its offensive coordinator. That’s like trying to calm your headache by hitting yourself in the toe with a hammer.

Other Previews:
New York Jets

Super Bowl Thoughts...four months later

(I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "Why is there a picture of Bill f*@#$*! Simmons on this site. Bear with me)

Its been awhile since I've posted here, and I've been wanting to post something. Anything, just to be around. Then, thanks to everyone's favorite writer, Bill Simmons, insperation struck.

This is from his latest mail bag.

Q: Did you READ Peter King's MMQB column this week? Where on the scale of "most ridiculous unjustified whining well after the game is over" scale do the '05 Seahawks rank? I'd say at least an 8.9. It's been more than three MONTHS and they're STILL whining! Look, it's one thing if the call certainly cost you the game (e.g. the Tuck Rule game, the '72 U.S. basketball team, etc.), but come on. The Seahawks have no one to blame but themselves. Get over it.
-- John Gale, Albuquerque, N.M.

SG: Hear hear. I think Mike Holmgren is keeping it up to deflect attention from the fact that he mangled the clock management at the end of both halves. Seriously, did that game even crack the top-100 worst officiated games of the past 25 years? What about the Don Denkinger Game, or Game 6 of the 2002 Kings-Lakers series, or Game 7 of the 1993 Sonics-Suns series, or the Pats-Raiders playoff game in 1976, or the Jeffrey Maier Game, or the Hart-Michaels match at the 1997 Survivor Series? Let's face it, that was just a lousy Super Bowl -- the officials stunk, but so did both teams. Deep down, the Seattle fans know that their team didn't do enough to win that game. You guys should be worrying about more important things -- like figuring out what the HELL is going on with Felix Hernandez.

I'm sitting here at my computer, reading that part I put in bold over and over again, and wondering two things.

1) How can a man be such an idiot and get paid to write a sports column? I think this is a good time to remind people that he's proud of the column he handed in drunk.

2) How can I write him and not make all Seahawk fans seem like conspiracy theorists?

(Confession: I like Simmons, he's probably one of my favorite writers. Very biased most of the time, but when he's not writing about the Patriots or Red Sox...that one column per year is great.)

A third question then pops into my head as I'm formulating this...can a person say that a game was one of the worst officiating jobs ever, and not blame it on his team's loss? The answer is, of course, yes.

I'm not going to go over the calls because we know what they were. There's no sense in talking about individual calls. (though, in the post below this one, I have to give props to the Hass hitting so hard he gets a penalty. If it were award giving time, that line would probably get an Extremely Corney Bronze racecar.) However, let's consider this singular statement.

After the game, almost universally, the national media was very critical of the officiating. On every program, and nearly ever columnist admitted that the officiating was at the very least, a bit odd. Even my good pal Skip Bayless ripped into the zebras.

So, the ball is in your court, Mr. Simmons. If the officiating garnered that much reaction from the national media, how does it not even crack your top-100. And, further more, if it had been your beloved Patriots that had been on the recieving end of those screwjobs, where would the game rank? First? Would you create another level of losing in your pantheon?

Personally, I don't think Seahawk fans blame the officials for the loss. there are some that do, but the Seahawk fans that know football know that while the calls made it harder to win, we still should have done it. It boggles my mind how we lost this game. Won the turnover battle, gained more yards, and held the ball longer. We missed the big play. there were clock management issues. We know that. We did after all watch the game.

We'll grumble about the officiating. It was, after all, bad. But, please don't confuse that with blaming the loss on the referees. The Seahawks have enough trouble getting national attention, we don't need to be painted as whiners.

So, I'll offer a truce to the national media. Stop bringing up the officiating when talking about this game and we'll let it go to.

After all, this time of year, we have a lot of complaining in regards to the team that plays across the street.

(Thank you for letting me rip into Simmons. And sorry to bring up a sore subject, but something had to be said.)

Alan



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September 2005: Epilogue of sorts

I was really sick last September. I wound up driving myself to the ER in the middle of the night and within 72 hours I was stable and medically "out-of-the -woods"- but I wound up staying in hospital for a week. This was at least partially due to a particular test result.

I barely remember the test, but at some point during my first few days there, I took an "emotional assessment" questionnaire - I vaguely recall thinking " Ah! I am so happy to be not dead that I will answer these questions with fearless honesty!"

What a mistake that was.

I think I earned a few days of 'observation' with the family history - depression? check! alcoholism? check! suicide ? check!- and 'suicide ideation': " of course I think about suicide- I thought about it all the way to the hospital."

Most of my visits were from the nurses who adjusted my tubing and monitors , but sometimes a counselor/therapist type would drop by and ask me how I was feeling.

I was feeling trapped, helpless and totally alone.
I was.
I was tied to a bed and hooked into machines- I couldn't even scratch my own ass or look over my own shoulder.
I had a bedpan , for chrissakes. How was I supposed to feel?

"Fine!", I would say.

"Blah", the Feelings Person would say, " blah blah...I see your uncle recently commited suicide- has that been bothering you?"

Not really.
I'm amazed there's anyone still alive in my whole family. We are skilled in the arts of self-destruction. I had to do an intervention on my mom when she tried to kill herself, which was a useful learning experience because years later I had to do the same thing for someone else. They didn't kill themself , but my actions killed our friendship forever. So I don't know how things turned out.
And I never will.
Just like I'll never know why my uncle pulled the trigger.
None of this was bothering me.

I was drinking twelve beers and a fifth of vodka every day because I was so not bothered by things.


" Yes, a little. But I've had some good talks with our family pastor..."
I trail off intentionally, not wanting to add that my good talks were mostly about my grandmother, my father and the Pittsburgh Steelers. ( I like our pastor- he knows I don't believe, but we get along fine)
At this point I hadn't talked much about Steve's suicide and I didn't feel like starting.

Feelings Person seems to latch onto the word 'pastor'. It occurs to me that I used that word as bait and FP has taken it.
I'm a rotten person.

" So you are getting spiritual counseling? That's good. Continue that- now let's talk about your drinking..."

Spiritual counseling? The last time I saw Pastor we talked about the Super Bowl.

"...do you plan on drinking again?"

This is a useless question.
The answer , of course , was 'no'- but if it were 'yes', I would have lied and said 'no' anyway.

"No. That would be suicide"

Damn! Why did I say that?

The talk returns to suicide and depression.

" I see you've been treated for depression and anxiety and underwent some counseling after your mother's death...have these things been useful to you?"

None of that shit worked for me. I'm not chemically depressed- I'm just a bad person and I see bad things.I live in a bad world. I think bad things. It makes me angry, cynical and depressed.
I can act OK if I have to , though. I'm not dangerous to others.

"Oh, yes. I've been feeling good lately- I'd actually decided to quit drinking right before I got sick."

This is half-true. I hadn't been feeling good at all lately. I could feel something was wrong with my guts and I was pretty sure that whatever it was that my heart was feeling, it wasn't happiness. I figured I had about a month to live.
I had planned on quitting the booze, though. That much was true.

" That's what made you so sick- you went into alcoholic withdrawal. Your body went into shock and you almost died."

This IS news. I didn't know that quitting 'cold turkey' could be fatal.
FP could tell I was surprised to hear that. I get a discomfiting analysis of how long-term alcohol abuse effects you on a cellular level.
I don't mean drunken rants into a mobile phone- I mean the cells that comprise your body.
Yuck is what it does.

Sometimes we talked about moods. I was always in a good mood.
My optimism knew no bounds.
I was brimming with hope and couldn't wait to get back to the world.
I gave a positive, if somewhat cautious, spin on every topic.

"Never say never..." , I would say, "but I don't think I'll ever do..."
and
" Nothing is ever certain ; nothing is over while hope lives on" - this sorta slipped out and the Feelings People considered it a good sign, so even though I didn't believe it I said it a lot.

Since then, I've started to believe some of it, perhaps too much so...as a recovering addict I can totally understand how people get the 'Born Again' thinking, the 12-step programs , the cult mentality.
It's a vulnerable and lonely place to be and we naturally want to fill that space with things that protect us from our pain.
That was my whole reason for drinking in the first place-block out the bad stuff.
Ignore it until it kills you.

It is a lot better now, although I still have some very bad moments.
Sometimes I get completely overwrought by crap that shouldn't bother me at all, at other times I think I'm missing everything- as if I've molted and I am now my own discarded skin, wondering where the rest of me has gone.

I also have some very good moments. There aren't as many as I'd like, but I'm lucky to have any at all.

Nothing is certain. Nothing is over.

Roger Penske cleans up Detroit

With a budget of $1.2 million for the rest of this year and $1.5 million next year, Penske will oversee the effort to keep the downtown business district as clean as it was for Super Bowl XL.

More Info in the Detroit News

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